Should've Read the Drug Guide
by Unintended Muse
Summary: Three starts picking on One during quiet time and One's payback veers pretty far from expected.


One was lying on his bed with one of the books he'd found in Derrick Moss' cabinets. He was currently trying to figure out if Derrick just liked them or if they'd been something he'd brought to remind him of home. So far, One had no idea. They were definitely good at passing the time, though.

 _Buzz!_

One flipped the book to keep his place. He turned on the outside camera without activating the inside one. If it was going to be Three looking for a fight then One wasn't going to be home. The small screen showed the space outside his door as empty. One took a deep breath and opened the door. No one. "Hello?"

One shut the door, lay back down, and started reading again. Even though One jumped up at the next buzz, there was no one at the screen. He opened the door and no one. Either the _Raza_ had suddenly picked up a ghost or...

"Come on, who's out here? I'm sure you can find something better to do than bugging me."

"You sound pretty sure of that." Three's voice drifted from around the corner.

"Leave me alone." One called, shutting his door.

The door buzzed. He ignored it. One had been expecting something like this ever since Two put out the order for them to lay low after the latest disaster. Most of them were keeping busy the best they could. Four was training. Five was building something. Two dealt with the ship while Six messed with the _Marauder._

Three was the one that was going to be a problem. One had known it from the very second Two mentioned the plan. Three did not handle boredom well and he had fully expected himself to be Three's first target. That was one of the main reasons he'd been spending so much time in his room. When he was in the rest of the _Raza_ , his guard was up and he was constantly ready to pull out a few quick moves – that looked like running, but wasn't – to keep from even being seen by Three.

 _Buzz!_

When he didn't answer it, he buzzed again. And again. And again. One threw the book down and stalked to the door. No one in the hall. He rounded the corner where Three had spoken from before. Empty.

He continued down to the mess. Six was leaning against the counter drinking something. "Are you okay?"

"Have you seen Three?"

Six thought about it and shook his head. "You mean you're actually looking for him? You know he's going to come after you first."

One nodded. "He's been playing with the buzzer on my door."

"He hasn't been in here. Sounds like he wanted to lure you out, though."

One tensed. He ran straight to Three's room. It slid open and he wasn't there. One didn't know why he'd expected to see him there. Three instead came up on his right, large grin in place. "Hey...fancy seeing you. Stop by for anything important?"

"Leave me alone, Three. This is hard on everyone."

Three sauntered into his room, looking far too pleased with himself. "I have no idea what you mean."

"Three."

"Come on! I've cleaned every one of my guns _three_ times! That's two times more than they needed. I've even cleaned everyone else's guns! I tried that thing Four does where he just sits there because I thought maybe that's where he gets his fighting power. It's just boring. I hit the punching bag until my knuckles bruised." Three showed One the back of his hand.

One shrugged. "Wanna borrow a book?"

Three narrowed his eyes at him. "Yeah, One, I would love to borrow one of your dumb books. I would enjoy nothing more than lying around reading about other people's boring lives. Thank you."

"I tried. Find something to do that doesn't involve me. Please." One turned around and froze, remembering what Six said. "And if you just touched _anything_ in my room, you will regret ever getting on this ship."

One eased into his room, every cell on guard for whatever Three might have done. Everything looked just as he'd left it, though. Even his book was still where he'd tossed it on the bed. He scooped it up and flopped on his bed.

He found the page he'd left off and started up again. The sentence spanning this page and the next didn't fit together, though. One flipped back and forth until he figured it out. There was a page missing. Actually there were about ten pages missing. He flipped through the book and there were more sections missing all the way through to the end.

Okay, One had to hand it to him. That was smooth. Infuriating because he had actually gotten into that book, but smooth. Three needed something to focus on and One would give him something. He threw the ruined book on his bed and pulled a vial from the back of one of his drawers. He'd bought it a couple stations ago. It was supposed to make people sick. Throwing up and the works.

Its time had come.

One's main plan involved waiting around in the mess for Three to eventually show up for food. When he did, One was sitting with his legs stretched out on another chair at the table. He had the book that Three had mutilated up in front of his face so that Three could see it.

Three stumbled to a stop when he did. "Good read?"

"You know what? I owe you a big thanks."

"Yeah? Well, then you're welcome." Three walked past him to get a tray.

"Yeah. All the parts you took you helped me skip to the good stuff. Really fixed the story."

"Glad I could be of service." Three put his tray across from One.

One pushed a cup toward him. "That thing is on the fritz again. I tried to get me a drink and it just kept going, so I filled another cup."

Three stared at the cup and for a long minute, One wondered if he was going to take it at all. Three picked it up and sniffed it. One had already checked it out, the poison didn't have any smell. Still, Three set the cup down in front of One and took One's. One smiled at him and he hesitated with the cup almost to his mouth.

"What's wrong, Three? Are you worried I might have done _something_ to one of the drinks? Something...unpleasant?" One kept his voice light, the smile in place. "Or maybe you're just worried about catching my germs?"

Three swallowed, his eyes moving from the one cup in his hand to the one on the table. "I'm not worried about anything you think you could do to me."

Three picked up the other cup and took a drink from first one, then the other. He rolled each around his tongue. He set one cup in front of One and took a deep drink from the other. "Good game, One. Almost perfect, really."

One kept smiling as he picked up the cup and drank from it, positive that it was clean. "You got me."

"Better luck next time."

One kept sneaking looks at him while he ate, but even when Three had drained the cup – and then grabbed and finished what was left of One's – nothing happened. He left and One didn't know if he'd ever been this disappointed in his life. It was a dud. Snake oil for the sole purpose of taking his money.

One dragged his feet the whole way back to his room. He had to figure out some way to pay Three back for the book and the buzzer and his general life's mission to be the biggest pain in One's ass.

One spent the time from when he dropped onto his bed until he fell asleep thinking about what he could do to Three. Screwing with his guns would be a good start. Nothing permanent and nothing deadly, just in case they needed them for anything. After that, One dreamed about the poison working back in the mess. Three running for the nearest bathroom. Hopefully before the vomiting starts. That would definitely keep him busy and regretting his decision to mess with One.

A loud thump and curse woke him up. As far as he could see, the room was empty. A hand shot up over the side of his bed, grabbing at the mattress and he jumped. "What...?"

Three's head peeked over the side. His face was shining with sweat and his eyes were half-shut. One shot up. "Three? What is it? What's wrong?"

"You...did something...to m-m-me."

"It was just supposed to make you throw up."

"Did. Twice." Three's arm tensed and he pulled himself higher, climbing onto One's bed. One fully intended to move over so Three would have more room, but two things kept him from doing that.

The first was that Three was completely naked. Not one piece of cloth anywhere. The other was Three's cock. He didn't mean to look at it and it was definitely not something he would have normally noticed except that it was just so... _hard_. Defying gravity, it curved up to twitch against his stomach.

Three climbed over him and all One could do was keep staring at _it_. Right up until Three thrust down to slide his cock on One's stomach, right under his shirt so that he was touching One's skin. That broke him out of his stupor.

"Gah!" One shoved at Three, but he didn't move.

Instead, he grabbed One's arms, pinning him to the bed. One twisted against him and a shudder ran through Three when he accidentally brushed Three's cock with his stomach. Three hung his head, watching his cock rub One's stomach with every short thrust.

"Please..."

"We should..." One had to clear his throat. His mouth was unbelievably dry. "We should get some help. The Android or..."

"Help. Me." He growled the words.

In spite of the insanity of the situation, One couldn't deny that sound really did something for him. "How...? I mean, what could you want from me?"

Three changed his grip on One's right hand. He wrapped it around his own cock and moaned. " _Please_."

One couldn't move. He could barely breathe, the situation was so far outside anything he could have imagined. Three's pulse pounded against his hand as he panted above him. When One didn't move, Three did. It started with a slow rocking of his hips and quickly graduated to him fucking the circle of One's hand.

"Ah," Three sagged forward until his head was next to One's. One jumped when he felt the hair on Three's face and then his lips brush his neck. "Tighter...uhn...close..."

One squeezed him tighter in pulses that corresponded to his thrusts. _What in the hell did that mean? 'Close' to what? He didn't mean he was going to..._

The rhythm that One had gotten used to started and stopped and then Three was pumping his hips forward. With each thrust, One felt warmth hitting and then soaking through his shirt. Three had made throaty sounds through it and that whole side of One's neck was hot now where he was breathing.

Three shuddered and rolled off of him to lay with his eyes shut.

"I've got to admit...I didn't see this one coming. You got me." Three swallowed. "This has been fun and all, but where's the antidote?"

One tried to avoid looking at the blob of white sinking into his shirt. He folded it into the cloth and ripped the shirt off, tossing it away from the bed and him. His hand was slick and he scrubbed it on his pants, sitting up and turning his back on Three. "What I put in your drink was just supposed to make you sick. Not...this."

"Twice...threw up twice before this started." Three took a deep breath and when One glanced at him, he noticed that Three didn't seem to be getting soft. "Then I jerked off twice and took a shower. Not my usual post-vomit ritual."

One was halfway to his door when Three noticed and called out, "Hey, where are you going?"

"I'm getting the Android. Maybe she knows something – "

The click of a gun stopped him. Three had a gun on him. His hand was shaking a little, but there wasn't a doubt in One's mind that Three could still hit him with it. Part of him really wanted to ask where the gun had come from, but at the same time he was staring at a gun pointed at him by a naked guy who could be a little unstable sometimes. All he could come up with was, "Come on, you're not going to shoot me."

"You're not getting the...getting the..." Three grabbed his cock, sliding his hand over it. The gun trembled a little harder in his hand. "If you try to leave, I will shoot you. I'll probably miss, but I think I've got enough bullets to keep trying. _Fuck..._ "

Three shut his eyes. The gun slipped from his hand, making a small thump on the sheets that was quickly covered by a pitiful moan pulled straight from Three's throat.

"Three?"

"How does it feel good and hurt at the same time?"

"Because that's life?"

Three cracked his eyes open to glare at One. "You did this to me."

"The hell I did! It wasn't supposed to do...that." One waved a hand at him.

"Well, it did. So you gotta...you gotta fix me."

One looked behind him, looking for there to be anyone else that Three could be talking to. A pained moan brought him back to the naked man currently jerking off in his bed. Three still had one hand on his cock, but the other had grabbed his gun. It looked like he was trying to push the tip _inside_ himself.

One moved quickly, grabbing the gun and Three's hand. He carefully pulled it away. Their eyes linked and One nodded. "Okay. Just let go of the gun."

His hand shook, but his fingers slipped off the gun. Three reached to grab a handful of One's pants, tugging him closer. "Please..."

One hit the safety on the gun before tossing it on the counter. "Where did you get this?"

"Careful with that. I hid it under the side of your mattress weeks ago."

"What?"

When Three didn't seem intent on answering, One batted Three's hand away from himself. Three grunted. "Wanted to make sure I always had a gun handy."

"In my _bed_? What made you think you would need a gun _in my bed_?!"

Three sat up and with one hand on One's hip and the other on his side, he pulled One down on top of him. He rolled them so that One was under him again. "Help me. Fuck me. Something me. Just...do something!"

"I don't..." One drifted off. He pulled Three into a kiss. Three relaxed down onto him, rubbing himself on One over his pants.

One moaned. "How far do you want this to go?"

"Just make it stop." Three moved higher up One's body to straddle his waist. He sat up and the the feel of Three on him had One's eyes fluttering shut.

One swallowed, reaching to hold Three's hips. "You sure?"

"No one else finds out or I will definitely shoot you. Right in the ass."

"Okay. One thing, though." One rolled them over again, pushing Three into the mattress.

Three's mouth fell open. "Huh."

One sat back, kneeling between Three's legs, and looked down to see exactly what he was dealing with. There was no way in hell he was going to admit to Three that he had no idea what he was doing. He was aware that men did have sex with each other – and that was great for them – but the mechanics hadn't been something he'd had any desire to look into.

Three's hips jumped under the scrutiny. "One..."

Three leaned up and pulled One back down on him again. He kissed him and then dragged one of One's hands up to his mouth. One, two, three fingers went in. One shut his eyes at the feel of Three's tongue running over his fingers. He let Three guide his hand down between his legs. "Hurry..."

Three's body tensed, his insides squeezing down on One's finger and trying to push him back out. Three's pinched his lip between his teeth.

The room was too quiet. "Have you, uh...have you done this before?"

"No. Not with a guy. But there was a pretty adventurous redh–ah!" Three's whole body jerked when One shoved his finger hard.

"You let a woman do this to you?"

"She was very flexible and very good at everything she did. More?"

One swallowed. He added a second finger and Three's body relaxed around him this time. His hips twisted, screwing One's fingers inside him. He fucked his fingers into Three, swirling them around opposite Three's movements.

"Ah!" Three cried out. "I can feel it..."

Three's eyes were clenched shut and both of his hands were gripping One's sheets tight. On a whim, One bowed down to suck Three's cock into his mouth. Three's hips bucked up and One added a third finger. Three's mouth opened in a silent scream as he came. His body thrashed on the mattress and One froze with the taste of him in his mouth.

Three let out a little sound, but he didn't move again. Didn't even open his eyes. One stayed kneeling between Three's legs, not sure what was going to happen next. All he really did know was that Three looked like he'd passed out while One's cock was pressed so hard to the inside of his pants that it hurt.

Three took a deep breath that shook on the way out. One jumped when one of Three's legs moved to bump him. "Are you just gonna sit there or what?"

One swallowed. "Uh...what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go make me a sandwich." He picked his legs up to kick at One's sides. "The hell do you think I want?"

At the first click of One's zipper, Three's eyes shot open. "Wait!"

"What? What is it?"

"Shit," Three groaned out the word. "I really am hungry. Wasn't until I said it, but...please?"

One blinked at him. "Are you serious?"

"Unless you're hoarding some food in here."

One backed off the bed, adjusting himself to a little snicker from Three. He was almost in the door when Three said, "Hurry. I want you here if it happens again. If it doesn't, I owe you. After food."

One made it to the mess without running into anyone. He grabbed a couple things and turned around to Five right behind him. "Oh! Hi...uh..."

"Are you okay? You look pale. And sweaty. And you're not wearing a shirt."

One scrubbed at his forehead and had to resist the urge to try using his arms to cover himself. "I, uh...yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe...maybe tired. Or something. All of this...nothing...going on. Not used to it."

"You should probably lay down." She said.

"I am going to do that. Thanks."

One almost made it out. "One?"

He rocked on his feet. "Yeah?"

"I know you've been avoiding Three and all, but have you seen him today?"

"Nope. You looking for him?"

"Two was. Apparently he called her through the comms earlier, but she couldn't understand him."

Anger punched him in the gut. "Probably just another one of his boredom-pranks. Tell him if I see him."

One stalked through the halls, the anger building in him until he reached his room. Of course he'd tried to reach Two first. Of _course_. There wasn't a universe where that should have bothered him, but apparently it did.

Three was lying on his side when One opened the door, body curled so that he could push his own fingers inside.

"I was your _second_ choice?!"

Three looked at him. "Huh? You're back...took you long enough."

"You called Two for help first, didn't you?"

"One..."

"You couldn't get a hold of her, so you came to me."

Three rolled onto his front, pushing himself up on his hands and knees. "Are you really going to stand there and complain that I ended up here instead of with Two?"

Three had a point. One threw the bags of food on the bed and stripped off his pants. He climbed on the bed behind Three and the other man moaned, dropping his head down to the mattress. One hooked his hands around the tops of Three's legs. Jerked him back to stretch him.

"Why did you come to me?"

Three wiggled his hips. "Please..."

"If you wanted Two's help so bad, why didn't you try harder to find her?"

Three pushed back, trying to touch more of One. "Because you did this to me."

"I think you knew that you needed more than what she could give you." One slid a hand up to Three's shoulder and the other down to hold his cock so that it pressed up against Three's hole. "More like this."

Before Three could say anything, One pushed inside him. He pulled back and shoved in again. Three yelped, pushing back to meet him. "God...damn...you feel so..."

"Yeah?" One bent down over him, putting his mouth as close to his ear as he could. "You're tight."

Three shivered, squeezing around him and One had to shut his eyes, gathering himself so he could speak again, since Three seemed to be responding so well to that. "You never thought to call both of us."

"What?"

"We could've taken care of you together...Me here, inside..." One had to pause as Three squeezed him so tight he couldn't move. "Two under us, around you..."

Three moaned. One sat back so he could speed up. "Me fucking her through you."

Three's head was down between his arms, face almost to the mattress. Every thrust brought a throaty sound from him. One was about to lose the battle, but he wasn't going to lose to Three. He reached down to wrap a hand around Three's cock. "Would she scream for you or me?"

"You...One, fuck!" Three's back bowed, head coming up to yell at the wall as he came.

One slowed to lengthy, punching thrusts. On one particularly hard one, Three let out a pathetic whimper. One went to pull out and Three pounded one hand on the mattress. "Don't stop."

One ran his hands over Three's back. There was a tremor in the muscles there and in his arms. "Are you sure? You just – "

"Please," Three almost choked on the word. He turned his head to look back at him, lips swollen and almost purple from where he'd been biting them.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep going."

"Please..." Three dropped his head to hang forward again.

One squeezed Three's hips, pulling back and pushing in slow. He kept his eyes shut trying to keep an almost impossible control of himself to last as long as Three needed him to. Three whimpered again and One stopped, squeezing Three's hips until he felt he could speak.

"If you want this, you gotta stop making sounds like that."

"Then do it harder."

"You..." One thrust harder, faster, letting his control go. Three cried out, his own hand going down to his cock. This time One came first. At the feel of it, Three went, squeezing tight around him and pulling him a little longer.

One rolled off Three. Three stayed just like he was, upper half sagged down to the mattress while his ass stayed stuck up in the air. When Three whimpered, One nudged him. "You okay?"

"One..."

"Again?! You had a little downtime the other times."

Three shoved his arm under him, rolling his head to look at One. "Can't explain it...please...need you."

One looked down at himself. "Unlike you, I think I need more time."

" _Fuck_..." Three's eyes went down to One's cock and back.

"I'm sorry. It really was just supposed to make you sick. That's what the guy said."

Three slowly moved to lie on his side facing One. His cock lay heavy and hard on his thigh. "Let's...not...trust that guy again."

One touched himself and he was almost too sensitive to stand just that much.

Three noticed his flinch and growled, "Fuck, I need you..."

"Jesus, Three..." One reached out to wrap a hand around Three's cock. Three shuddered as he started to stroke it slowly.

Three's eyes shut and he relaxed. One rolled to face him, scooting closer so that he could touch him better. One was looking at his face when his eyes opened. Three's gaze slid down to One's mouth and One licked his lips, dropping his eyes to focus on what he was doing to Three.

Three wrapped a hand around One's on him, squeezing him tighter and changing the way he stroked him. He let go and reached for One, pulling him closer. One let out a shaking breath before Three was kissing him.

Three broke the kiss with a groan. "Uh..."

One blinked at him and it was only when Three was prying his fingers off of his cock that he realized what it was. When Three had kissed him, One's grip on his cock tightened until it hurt. One opened his mouth to apologize, but Three shoved him onto his back.

Three climbed over him, leaning down to bite One's lips. When that got a good reaction out of One, he moved down to bite his throat and chest. He took one of One's nipples between his teeth and pulled it through.

One gasped, grabbing Three's head and tugging on his hair. Three flashed him a grin and went to the other side. He stretched it away from One's body until it hurt. The pain sent sparks through his body. "God, Three..."

Three looked down and One's cock wasn't reacting enough. He raked his teeth over One's ribs. Lower and he took some of the skin on One's stomach into his mouth. He bit down on it until One was moaning constantly, tugging on his hair.

Three turned sideways before sliding his mouth over One's cock. One hooked his hand inside Three's thigh, pulling him close enough to get his fingers inside. Three tensed and dropped his head onto One's thigh. "Yes..."

"Are you sure this is just the stuff I gave you? Maybe you're just a huge slut." One said and Three moaned.

Three jumped up, moving quickly to straddle One. One held himself up and in the next second, Three was sinking down onto him. Three tensed and then he was coming, barely anything coming out of his cock this time.

One rubbed his hands over Three's thighs while he panted above him. It was at least a couple minutes before Three started moving again. He stopped quickly with a hiss. "Ow...I think it might be over."

"What?"

"It's over. It's done. I'm done. Shit..." Three eased up and off of him. He collapsed hard enough on the mattress to bounce One a little.

One stared at him. "You're kidding."

"Unless you have some more of that stuff in reach, nope."

One kept staring at him until Three looked at his cock. "Oh. Sorry."

"'Sorry?'"

Three rolled his eyes, scooting closer. He wrapped a hand around One's cock and caught One's moan in his mouth. One's head thumped on the bed when Three squeezed him. Three moved down to suck dark marks on One's neck where he wouldn't be able to hide them. Payback.

One jerked when Three bit down on one of his nipples hard. "Ah, fuck!"

Three laughed, stroking One's cock faster as he rocked his hips up. "Are you gonna come?"

One nodded. He grabbed Three around the back of his neck and tugged him up to his mouth. Three's mouth helped muffle all the noises he made as he came.

Three rolled onto his back, wiping his hand on One's sheets. "You know Two's gonna keep things quiet for a while."

"Yeah. Why? You thinking about...?" One waved between them.

Three shrugged. "Unless you want to keep reading those old books. I mean, this will definitely keep me from spending all my time trying to find ways to bug you."

"No, they're pretty boring. And as long as I get a day to recover from today. Parts of me are enjoying this less while we lay here. Coming twice in a short time was...too much."

Three rolled his head to stare at him. "Really? Cause I feel good enough to go again."

The door slid open and Six walked in. "One, we can't find..."

Six blinked at them and they blinked back. Three opened a bag of chips and said, "Glad you finally showed up. We couldn't wait on you, but give me a minute and – "

Six backed out of the room and the door shut again. One's mouth hung open, mortified. Three started laughing, though. One threw an arm over his face. "This is funny?"

"You're the one that didn't lock the door. It's like you wanted to get walked in on."

"If I'd locked my door before, you wouldn't have been able to get your naked ass in here while I was asleep."

"And for that I thank you. You were wrong, by the way."

One's chest heaved in a deep breath. "About?"

"That I was going to regret getting on the _Raza_."

"This didn't make you regret that?"

"I regret accepting a drink from you. Which," Three shook the bag of chips at him, "you didn't bring me anything to drink, did you?"

One just glared at him and grabbed the bag. Three made a grab for it and One held it out of his reach. "Come on, I'm still hungry!"

"I don't care."


End file.
